I’ve always subjected myself to a sense of guilt whenever I thought about my choice to begin and to remain in showbiz. The reason is because I see it as an extremely self indulgent industry, where I really do enjoy my work. The diversity of it and the opportunity to explore areas of life I would never have a chance to if I landed somewhere else are charming factors to me.
Growing up, I have always thought I would end up in a job related to humanities. An urban geographer, researcher of some sort or a community worker. Like many social idealists, I wanted to make a difference in the world. The current path I have taken seems rather hypocritical.
Blame it on my inqusitive nature, my vanity, my restlessness, I am who I am now.
However, thanks to an unexpected conversation with my grandmother, I managed to lift myself out of the conundrum. In a nutshell, over the phone one day, my grandmother was chirping excitedly over my latest drama serial. “我喜欢看新加坡的戏。。每一个我都追的。。看电视我就开心: she quipped.
Those simple words reminded me of how 搞笑行动 used to make my Mondays less blue, how Aiyoyo 老师 made school seem like a second home.
Perhaps, I should go easy on myself. If souls are invisible, immeasurable, then surely the work of an artist is incalculable. Showbiz, entertainment industry, artistic realm, whatever you name it, we reach out to the hearts of people and leave imprints with our creation.
As I move on, I now have a deeper understanding of what my work pertains. My industry is an enormous Kaleidescape, encapsulating life in the expressions of dramas, songs, performances. I express you, I represent you, I am you.
So, now, what’s wrong with indulging in life, loving life.